tfln overflow.

[brokenparadox]

(continuation from here!)

Comments

[innermonologues]

No... I'm not upset with you.

[ He was more confused about what happened and his own feelings, but he knew he wasn't upset with him. ]

[brokenparadox]

[That's something.]

I didn't ... Mean to hide it from you. I just thought it would be easier this way, if I didn't say anything. [He takes a deep breathe, and can't bring himself to look at Squall.] It's only been a few weeks.

[That he's felt this way.]

[innermonologues]

Can I ask... what brought these feelings on?

[brokenparadox]

[He can ask anything he wants, but Noel decides against saying that to get to the real answer.]

I know you don't think highly of yourself, but I don't think I've ever felt as 'at home' as I do with you. [That was real descriptive, Noel!] You're kind, honest, and sometimes weirdly difficult, you're strong and on top of all that you're gorgeous.

[innermonologues]

[ he gave Noel a confused look to a few things he said. He wouldn't really call himself kind at all, and gorgeous? He didn't see himself as that, although he knew a lot of people in the Garden seemed to feel that way as well. ]

I see...

[brokenparadox]

I'm not asking you to feel the same way, that's too much to ask for, but it was beginning to feel like I was lying to you.

[innermonologues]

[ After staying silent for a moment. ]

Is that why you went out drinking or was it still because you felt lonely.

[brokenparadox]

I think it was a little bit of both. I was - lonely [Emphasis. His 'loneliness' was in the very physical sense.] and I just kept thinking about how foolish it was, how it might wreck our friendship.

[innermonologues]

Not be be insensitive, but that's stupid.

[ He paused awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. ]

Your feelings wouldn't make me hate you and... if I stuck around for this long, it's likely I'm not leaving soon.

[brokenparadox]

[That ... Shouldn't have made him want to laugh, right? He put a qualifier before his own opinion, and it was strangely appealing.]

I guess you're right. [He plays with the water bottle.] I guess I just didn't want to run the risk, you know? [But Squall is right, it was a little stupid of him to think they'd just stop having anything to do with each other.] So do we have an awkward few days and go back to normal or something?

[innermonologues]

It's only as awkward as you make it, and honestly I prefer that over my "teacher" trying to hit on me during an important exam so...

[ He shrugs his shoulders and glances back over to Noel. He still wasn't really sure how he felt about the kiss, but Noel was similar to him and he knew he'd be over thinking the whole thing. For Noel's sake he was trying to keep casual.

Man social interaction was draining. ]

[brokenparadox]

Wait, what?

[Talk about throwing a red flag strong enough to completely derail his train of thought!]

I-I think it's much less awkward then that. [Mostly because Noel wasn't in some higher position of power.]

[innermonologues]

That's exactly my point. You aren't annoying so it's not as awkward as other things I've dealt with.

[brokenparadox]

I guess that is an upside.

[A weird one but it's better than nothing at all.]

This ended up being a lot simpler than I expected.

[No ridiculous dramatic exposition, no suffering, no broken friendships. Sure, in Noel's ideal little world his feelings wouldn't be one-sided but he's hardly doe eyed about the world. A lot of the time you had to be grateful for what you have, and do your best to keep it. Eventually he'll fall out of these emotions. Or bury them so deeply they never happened.]

[innermonologues]

Were you expecting me to freak out on you?

[brokenparadox]

Isn't that what usually happens?

[innermonologues]

Do I... usually seem like I freak out on you?

[brokenparadox]

Of course not.

[He says this pretty evenly.] But isn't that how things usually go? Some feelings come up and then everything is awkward and difficult. It seems to really change things.

[But to be fair his references were a few talks with some random women before ending up drunk, and also television shows. Noel has been in love with one other person in his entire life, his experience is extremely limited.]

[innermonologues]

I'm not... really experienced in this subject to be honest... And I only recently... attempted to stop shutting everything and everyone out so... I'm probably not the best pick to ask how these things typically go.

[brokenparadox]

I'm not either. I didn't really have to worry about this last time.

[All his friends (and one love) are dead, after all.] All things considered this probably went pretty well. No one threw anything and I don't have to move.

[Seriously, if he had to leave the apartment because of this Noel would be completely fucked over. The love stuff was important, too! But a guy has to have a roof over his head.]

[innermonologues]

I wouldn't throw you out. It's your place too.

[ He gives him a raised eyebrow. Did he really give off that scary of a feeling? He thought Noel was immune to him. ]

[brokenparadox]

[It's not a matter of being scared so much as letting his own fears get out of hand.]

You're right. I know you're right.

[He manages to smile.] Thanks.

[innermonologues]

Sure...

[ He went silent again before he turned toward Noel again. ]

Hey.

[brokenparadox]

[He was about to suggest they go out for breakfast or maybe take the chicks out to play, but that was quickly derailed.]

Yes?

[innermonologues]

Nevermind... it's nothing.

[ Which was squall for feelings are too hard to put into words. ]